we interrupt this broadcast -10/8/04

This is real time, folks - October 8th, 2004 - this is happening NOW.


I just got off the phone with my family in Armenia - my host mother was crying on the phone, it was horrid. They don't have wood for the winter, their apples and pears didn't produce this year, my father is sick, the packages I sent haven't made it through.

I just feel so damn selfish and greedy and stupid - I went out yesterday and spent around $50.00 on things I don't really NEED, art supplies and food and stupid things; I was thinking 'o, I really would like contacts again, and I deserve them, even if they ARE $200.00; I haven't spent any big money on myself since I got back' - do you know what I'm saying here? I deserve nothing at the rate I'm going; stupid blind self centered idiot child.

Blind, I am blind, and contacts aren't going to help. So damn stupid and self centered and blind, and not thinking - stupidity is a sin against the Holy Ghost. How quickly I lose sight of reality. And my mother crying on the phone, saying 'I don't say this for you to send things, but if I say truthfully, it has been a bad year, we are not well.'

god, America!